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Politics News >> Columns >> Humor >> Weekly
Weekly News
The Onion
A recent election poll indicates vegan independents and skydiving widowers are among the groups that will have a major impact in November.
The Onion
WASHINGTON—Gay rights activists protested the defeat of bill S. 743 Monday, saying that the proposed legislation giving homosexuals the...
The Onion
According to newly released documents, chef Julia Child worked for the Office of Strategic Services, a U.S. spy agency, during World War II. What do...
The Onion
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The Onion
DETROIT—Christopher O'Dell, a 16-year veteran of the Detroit Police Department, told reporters Monday that he will not rest until he exacts...
The Onion
ATLANTA—"If I get it, I get it," said one woman. "I'm not going to change my whole life around every time they come on TV and say something is bad for you."
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RICHMOND, VA—Inciting further speculation that Virginia governor Tim Kaine would be named Sen. Barack Obama's running mate, snickering...
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Americans drove 53.2 billion fewer miles in the past nine months than they did in a comparable period a year ago. What do you think?
The Onion
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The Onion
Onion Radio News - with Doyle Redland
The Onion
NEW YORK—Skeptics will be pleased traditional Soderberghian themes are present: anger, betrayal, and the travails of cool, wealthy people who plan crime capers.
The Onion
NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—The new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula and is as gentle on a baby's skin as "having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self."
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OKEECHOBEE SWAMPS, FL—According to sources, the monster got Tina, 18, despite her having been right behind the other remaining survivors...
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A University of Iowa professor is accused of fondling students in exchange for higher grades. What do you think?
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WASHINGTON—News of his extramarital affair with a former campaign worker could put John Edwards at serious risk of losing the position or...
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BEIJING—Chinese Olympic officials say they are no closer to catching the swashbuckling, green-uniformed archery competitor who has disrupted every single medal ceremony of the Games by bursting in, stealing the gold medal or medals in the...
The Onion
BEIJING—Chinese Olympic officials say they are no closer to catching the swashbuckling, green-uniformed archery competitor who has disrupted every single medal ceremony of the Games by bursting in, stealing the gold medal or medals in the...
The Onion
Whenever I'm paid $200,000 to demonstrate my martial arts abilities and give a short speech to a gathering of young people, I always speak about...
The Onion
BOONEVILLE, KY—A number of groups withdrew financial support after Cooter Obama punched a swan in the face and mistook Sen. John Kerry for an outhouse.
The Onion
I know we live in a career-oriented society, but if you ask me, people's priorities in the workplace are all out of whack. Sure, everyone wants to...
The Onion
PIERRE, SD—Although he found room for the bucket, Jeremy Browning still had a surplus of food even after transferring an apple and loaf of bread to the freezer.